Holy Shit! I woke up in Russia today !

ORCHARD, Texas – A third-grader at Brazos Elementary was given a week’s detention for possessing a Jolly Rancher. School officials in Brazos County are defending the seemingly harsh sentence. The school’s principal and superintendent said they were simply complying with a state law that limits junk food in schools.

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On The Radio

Wish I'd realized before the bottom of the 7th that the Phillies radio call online syncs perfectly with the Phillies TV broadcast on MLB Network. Much rather would've been listening to Scott and Larry the last few hours than TMac, Wheels and Sarge. If that trio were any worse, they'd be about as bad as John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman on the Yankees radio network. OK. No one could be that bad.

Margarita Cupcakes

Ingredients:

CAKE:

9 ounces liquid Margarita mix (a little over a cup)

3 ounces tequila (a little less than 1/3 cup)

¾ ounce Grand Marnier ( I used 1 1/2 oz about 45 millilitres)

1 box white cake mix

3 large egg whites

2 Tbs vegetable oil

1 Tbs lime zest (I used 2 tbs,chopped fine)

LIME BUTTERCREAM ICING ~ ~ ~

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

5 to 6 cups powdered sugar

2 Tbs fresh lime juice

1/8 tsp salt

1 tsp grated lime zestgreen food coloring

small lime slices for garnish

1/2 jigger of Grand Marnier

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. Line two dozen cupcake tins with paper liners.

2. Prepare cupcakes: Whisk together margarita mix, tequila and Grand Marnier in a small bowl. Measure out 1¼ cups for the recipe; pour the rest on some ice and drink it while making the cupcakes.

3. In a large bowl, blend cake mix, egg whites, vegetable oil, lime zest and 1¼ cups of the margarita mix from step 1. Blend on low for about 30 seconds and then increase speed to medium and blend for two additional minutes. Batter will be slightly lumpy.

4. Spoon the batter into cupcake liners (about ¾ full). Bake for 20-25 min, or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cupcakes cool for about 10 minutes in the pans, then remove them to a rack to cool completely.

5. Prepare icing: Once cupcakes are completely cooled, prepare the icing. Place butter in a large bowl and beat with electric mixer until butter is fluffy. Add 5 cups of powdered sugar, salt, lime juice, and lime zest. Mix until thick and creamy. Add more powdered sugar until the frosting is of a good spreading (or piping) consistency. Mix in a tiny amount of green food coloring or gel paste if you’d like the frosting to have a green tint. Ice cupcakes in whatever manner you prefer… spreading or piping the frosting. Use small lime slices as garnish.

Yield: About 24

Wishing - For When I'm a Billionaire

I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad. Buy all of the things I never had. Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine. Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen. Oh every time I close my eyes I see my name in shining lights. A different city every night. Oh I swear the world better prepare. For when I’m a billionaire.

Doctors and Medicare

I am tired of seeing this freaking doctor that is sick about having to take care of people on Medicare that keeps getting passed around. You know what I hate? Doctors living in million dollar houses, driving Porsches, BMWs and Mercedes while being members of a country club and BITCHING ABOUT HAVING TO HELP POOR PEOPLE THAT CAN'T AFFORD $100 FOR A TWO MINUTE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.

If you ignorant dumbasses ever had someone in your life that ACTUALLY needed help, you would be signing a different tune. Try having cancer in this country and see how well you would survive without Medicare. I bet you wouldn't have the same opinion if your kid was dying from a fatal disease and you needed the government to help pay to keep them alive. Or maybe you're a piece of shit that would say "let my kid die, it isn't someone else's problem to have to care about."

As for the woman in the passed around status update chain of stupidity, what if that was her only good outfit? What if she had just left a wedding or formal function? What if she doesn't like to go out in public looking poor so she had on fake designer clothes? Can that doctor tell the difference? Instead of judging the people that are in need of help, that piece of shit doctor NEEDS TO DO HIS JOB AND HELP. I'm sure his expensive car, house, clothes and tee time in his country club subdivision will help wipe away the horrible memory of actually having to dirty his hands by helping a poor person.

Wanna Be Chefs on Television

Freaking tired of bunch of wanna be CHEFS on TV! What the hell!? Take any freaking CLOWN who cooks 3 dishes, has no clue, no personality, no knowledge of the hows a real Kitchen operates and hey, why not lets put them on TV. Disgrace to the Profession and Insult to the people watching them!!!!

The all-around Facebook Status Update

Saw this on one of my fb friends status update: The Chef would like to wish a Happy Birthday to who ever is Having a Birthday today Also congrats on your new baby, engagement, wedding and promotion, love your new car, happy you're back, have a nice trip, sorry to hear you're single but so happy about your new relationship, love your pics, yes I'm working this weekend and sorry you lost a freaking hearing last night....oh and have a good day and sleep well.

Effective Win

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A Little Something About Me

I have been a voracious reader since I learned how......so many years ago. The book that got me hooked on fantasy when I was about 7 was the Gnomemobile. It absolutely fascinated me and I have been looking in used book stores for over 40 years on the off chance that I might find it again......no luck. I have managed to accumulate over 800 other books that I enjoy, this includes fantasy, SF, mystery, thrillers and even (yawn) some drama. I like the lighter, funnier side of things for my escapes so my faves are Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Piers Anthony, Christopher Stasheff, Robert Asprin, Terry Brooks, some Andre Norton and so many more.

Cooking with a Crock Pot: Hot Fudge Spoon Cake

Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 3/4 cups light brown sugar,packed and divided
1/4 cup plus 3 tblsp. baking cocoa/DIVIDED
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. unsalted butter butter/melted
1/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 3/4 cup HOT water.
GARNISH:vanilla ice cream

Directions

Combine flour.one cup of brown sugar,3 tablespoons cocoa,baking powder and salt in medium bowl.
whisk in milk,melted butter,and vanilla.
Spread evenly in a crockpot.
Mix together remaining brown sugar and cocoa.
sprinkle EVENLY over top of batter,
pour in HOT water,DO NOT STIR.
Cover and cook on HIGH for 2 hours,until a toothpick inserted into middle one inch deep,comes out clean.
Spoon WARM cake into bowls.Top with vanilla ice cream.
serves 6.

Provolone & Olive Stuffed Chicken Breasts

This is an elegant dish. Making a pocket in the chicken breast to hold the stuffing is easy, particularly if you use a good, sharp, thin-bladed knife. Browning the chicken in a skillet before baking gives it a beautiful golden color. Finishing it in the oven ensures that it cooks evenly throughout.

4 servings | Active Time: 30 minutes | Total Time: 50 minutes

Ingredients

1/4 cup shredded provolone cheese, preferably aged
3 tablespoons chopped California Ripe Olives
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, (1-1 1/4 pounds total)
1 large egg white
1/2 cup plain dry breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

Preparation

Preheat oven to 400°F. Lightly coat a baking sheet with sides with cooking spray.
Combine the provolone, olives and pepper in a small bowl.
Lightly beat the egg white with a fork in a medium bowl. Mix the breadcrumbs and salt in a shallow dish.
Cut a horizontal slit along the thin, long edge of a chicken breast half, nearly through to the opposite side. Open up each breast and place one-fourth of the cheese filling in the center. Close the breast over the filling, pressing the edges firmly together to seal. Repeat with remaining chicken breasts and filling. Hold each chicken breast half together and dip in egg white, then dredge in breadcrumbs. (Discard leftovers.)
Heat oil over in a large nonstick skillet medium-high heat. Add chicken and cook until browned on one side, about 2 minutes. Transfer chicken to the prepared baking sheet, browned-side up, and bake until it is no longer pink in the center or until an instant-read thermometer registers 170°F, about 20 minutes.

A Fundamental Law of Business

A fundamental law of business: the entry level paradox. You need experience to get hired and you need to get hired to get experience. It basically means a part of the universe explodes somewhere every time someone gets a job.

Cooking with a Crock Pot: Pulled Pork with Rootbeer

Ingredients
1 1 2½ -3 lb pork sirloin roast (I used pork shoulder which was recommended by my butcher and my father as it has more flavor)
½ teaspoon of salt
½ teaspoon of ground pepper
1 Tablespoon of cooking oil
2 medium onions, cut into thin wedges
1 cup of REGULAR root beer (cannot be diet)
2 tablespoons of minced garlic
3 cups of REGULAR root beer (cannot be diet) (two 12 oz cans or bottles)
1 cup of bottled chili sauce
¼ teaspoon root beer concentrate (optional)
Several dashes bottled hot pepper sauce (optional)
8-10 hamburger buns
Lettuce leaves (optional)
Tomato slices (optional)
Directions
1. Trim fat from meat. If necessary, cur roast to fit into a 3½ to 5-quart slow cooker. Sprinkle meat with the salt and pepper. In a large skillet brown meat on all sides in hot oil. Drain off fat. Transfer meat to cooker. Add onions, the 1 cup of root beer, and garlic.
2. cover and cook on low-heat setting for 8-10 hours or on high-heat setting for 4-5 hours.
3. Meanwhile, for sauce, in a medium saucepan combine the 3 cups of root beer and the chili sauce. Bring to a boil; reduce heat. Boil gently uncovered, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes or until mixture is reduced to 2 cups. If desired, add root beer concentrate and bottled hot pepper sauce.
4. Transfer roast to a cutting board or serving platter. Use a slotted spoon, remove onions from cooking juices and place on serving platter. Discard juices. Using 2 forks, Pull meat apart into shreds. To serve, line buns with lettuce leaves and tomato slices, if desired. Add meat and onions, spoon on sauce.

The Bomb Tortilla Soup

Ingredients:

* 4 Tablespoons Olive Oil
* 3 Cloves Garlic, minced
* 1 Onion, finely chopped
* 2 Cups Celery, chopped
* 1-2 Jalapeños or Habanero chiles, minced, or to taste
* 7-8 Cups Chicken Stock
* 1 Tablespoon Cumin
* 4 Bone-in or Boneless Chicken Breasts
* 3 Medium Tomatoes, peeled, seeded and finely chopped
* 1/4 Cup Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice, or to taste
* Salt to Taste
* 5-6 Corn (or flour) Tortilla Chips
* 2 Avocados, pitted, peeled, and diced
* 1 Cup Cilantro, Chopped
* Panela, Oaxaca, or Mozzarella cheese, diced or shredded, optional
* Lime wedges, optional

Directions:

In a heavy-bottomed pot set over medium heat sauté garlic and onion in about 2 tablespoons of olive oil until tender. Add celery and chiles and cook another 5 minutes. Add chicken stock, cumin, and chicken breasts. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer 20-25 minutes.

Remove chicken, cool, and shred. Return the shredded chicken to the soupalong with the tomatoes and the lime juice and salt to taste. Continue to simmer on low.

If using tortillas, cut them into little strips. heat about 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a small skillet set over medium heat. Fry the tortillas strips until browned and crispy. Drain them on a plate lined with a couple layers of paper towel.

Ladle soup into bowls and top off with some avocado, cilantro, cheese and fried tortilla strips (or tortilla chips). Serve with additional lime wedges to add more to taste individually as desired.

Realization

I just realized my life is based on a true story! The names of the characters have been changed to protect the innocent. However sometimes is appears to be a comedy or fiction at times!

A Night Out

...just walked in the door. Haven't had a night like that in awhile. Going to have to do something about that (after a lot of sleep and a week of recovery).

Needing a Paternity Test FAIL

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Idiots in America Part One

Can someone smack that DUMB ASS PASTOR in the South States with the burning the Korán crap ...seriously this guy needs to be put in PRISON FOR LIFE with no chance of Parole CAUSE he is a FREAKING IDIOT!!!!!! He is as dangerous as the people he wants to fight. He is as much of a maniac as any extremist all religions combine. WTF is wrong with the WORLD?????????

Steakhouse Shepherd's Pie

Ingredients

* 2 pounds Idaho potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
* Salt
* 1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
* 4 slices good quality bacon or peppered bacon, chopped
* 2 pounds ground sirloin
* 1 onion, chopped
* 1/2 pound button mushrooms, quartered
* Black pepper
* 2 tablespoons butter
* 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 cups beef stock
* 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
* 1 egg yolk
* 3 tablespoons sour cream
* 1/2 pound blue cheese, crumbled (recommended: Maytag)
* 3 to 4 tablespoons chives
* 1 teaspoon paprika

Directions

Place potatoes in a pot, cover with cold water and bring up to a boil. Season water with salt and boil potatoes until tender, 12 to15 minutes. Heads up: save a ladle of starchy cooking water just before draining.

Heat a skillet with high sides over medium high heat. Add extra-virgin olive oil, half a turn of the pan and the bacon. Crisp bacon and remove to paper towel lined plate. Add sirloin to the pan and caramelize the meat, 4 to 5 minutes. Add in the mushrooms and onions and cook until tender, 6 to 7 minutes more then season with salt and pepper.

While meat cooks heat a small sauce pot over medium heat and melt butter, whisk the flour into butter, cook 2 minutes then whisk beef stock into flour, add Worcestershire and season sauce with salt and pepper, to taste. Thicken 6 to 7 minutes.

Pour gravy over meat and turn on broiler.

Temper egg yolk by beating it with the starchy potato cooking water. Place drained potatoes back into the pot you cooked them in to dry them out a little. Mash potatoes with egg yolk and sour cream then fold in crumbled blue cheese and chives. Season the potatoes with salt and pepper and spread across the top of the meat in an even layer. Garnish the potatoes with paprika and place under broiler to crisp and brown the potatoes, 2 to 3 minutes. Crumble reserved bacon over top. Serve immediately right from the hot skillet.

Sticker Win

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Beer Cheese Brat Burgers With Red Pepper Kraut

1/2 cup plus 4 Tablespoons German Pilsner beer, divided

1/4 cup smooth Dijon mustard

2 Tablespoons pure dark amber maple syrup

2 Tablespoon olive oil, divided

1 small yellow onion

12 ounces jarred roasted red peppers, well drained

14 ounces sweet Bavarian style sauerkraut with caraway seeds, well drained

1 1/2 pounds fresh pork Bratwurst sausages, casings removed

3/4 pound ground pork

1 teaspoons kosher salt

1/3 cup finely diced white onion

1/4 cup finely crushed pretzels

2/3 cup diced sharp cheddar cheese

1/2 cup vegetable oil6 soft Kaiser rolls, split

1/2 cup melted butter

preparation

Preheat a gas or charcoal grill with a cover to medium high heat. Open beer and leave to stand for 5 minutes. To make the mustard glaze, in a medium, fire-proof saucepan, combine 1/2 cup Pilsner beer, the mustard, maple syrup, and 1 Tablespoon olive oil. Whisk until blended and bring to a simmer on the grill rack. Cook for 7 to 10 minutes or until mixture thickens and reduces to slightly less than 2/3 cup, stirring frequently to remove any foam. Set aside off of heat.

To make the red pepper kraut, thinly slice the yellow onion and toss with 1 Tablespoon olive oil. Place in a grill pan and cook on the grill rack for 10 minutes or until onions are softened, stirring occasionally. Slice the roasted red peppers into strips and place in a medium, fire-proof saucepan along with the sauerkraut and 2 Tablespoons Pilsner beer. Cook on the grill rack for 10 minutes or until most of the liquid is cooked away, stirring frequently. Add the cooked onions to the kraut mixture and set aside off of the heat.

To make the patties, crumble the bratwurst sausages into a large bowl. Add the ground pork, salt, diced white onion, pretzels, cheddar cheese, and remaining 2 Tablespoons Pilsner beer and gently combine. Form into 6 patties sized to fit the rolls. Brush the grill rack lightly with the vegetable oil. Place the patties on the rack, cover and cook, turning occasionally and basting the cooked sides with the mustard glaze, for 8 to 10 minutes or until patties reach an internal temperature of 160 degrees. Brush the split sides of the rolls with the melted butter and cook them on the grill rack for 1 to 2 minutes or until they are lightly browned and toasted.

Reheat the red pepper kraut on the grill rack if necessary until warm. To assemble the burgers, onto each toasted roll bottom place a cooked patty, an equal amount of the red pepper kraut, and a roll top.

Easy Bacon Cheese Fries

Ingredients:

* 1 bag Fries
* 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
* 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
* 6 strips of bacon, fried and cut into pieces
* Ranch or Blue Cheese dressing for dipping


Directions:

* Preheat the oven to "broil."
* Fry the french fries in a deep fryer until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Place on broiler pan.
* Sprinkle fries with cheddar cheese and bacon.
* Broil for just a few minutes until cheese is melted.
* Serve with Ranch or Blue Cheese dressing.

Cajun Killer Craw Fish Burger With Creole Tartar Sauce

Ingredients

* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 1/2 cup chopped onions
* 2 tablespoons brunoise red peppers
* 2 tablespoons brunoise yellow peppers
* Salt
* Cayenne
* 1 pounds craw fish tails
* 1/4 cup chopped green onions
* 1 tablespoon chopped garlic
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
* 1 large egg
* 1 1/2 cups bread crumbs
* 1/4 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
* 1 egg, beaten with 2 tablespoons water
* 1 cup flour
* Essence, recipe follows
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 4 onions rolls, sliced in half and toasted
* 1/2 cup Creole Tartar Sauce, recipe follows
* 1/4 cup sliced hamburger pickles
* 1 small tomato, cored and thinly sliced
* 1 small yellow onion, peeled and thinly sliced
* 1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce
* 1 pound sweet potatoes, peeled and thinly slice and fried until golden brown and crispy

Directions
In a saute pan, over medium heat, heat the olive oil. When the oil is hot, add the onions and peppers. Season the vegetables with salt and cayenne. Saute for 2 minutes. Add the craw fish tails and continue to saute for 2 minutes. Add the green onions, garlic, and parsley. Saute for 1 minute. Remove the mixture from the heat and turn into a mixing bowl. Cool the mixture for 2 minutes. Add the 1 egg, 1/2 of the bread crumbs and cheese and mix well. Set aside. Season the flour, egg wash and remaining 1 cup bread crumbs with Essence. Form the mixture into 4 individual cakes, about 1-inch thick. Dredge the cakes in the seasoned flour. Dip each cake in the egg wash, letting the excess drip off. Dredge the cakes in the bread crumbs, coating completely. In a large saute pan, over medium heat, add the vegetable oil. When the oil is hot, pan-fry the cakes until golden about 3 to 4 minutes on each side. Remove and drain on paper towels. Spread the halves of each roll with the tartar sauce. Place craw fish burgers between each roll. Top the burgers with the pickles, tomatoes, onions, and lettuce. Serve each burger with the fried sweet potato chips

Creole Seasoning

* 2 1/2 tablespoons paprika
* 2 tablespoons salt
* 2 tablespoons garlic powder
* 1 tablespoon black pepper
* 1 tablespoon onion powder
* 1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
* 1 tablespoon dried oregano
* 1 tablespoon dried thyme

Combine all ingredients thoroughly.

Yield: 2/3 cup

Creole Tartar Sauce:

* 1 egg*
* 1 tablespoon minced garlic
* 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
* 1 tablespoon chopped parsley
* 2 tablespoons minced onions
* 2 tablespoons pickle relish
* 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
* 1 cup vegetable oil
* Salt
* Freshly ground black pepper

Put the egg, garlic, lemon juice, parsley, onions, relish and mustard in a food processor and puree for 15 seconds. With the processor running, pour the oil through the feed tube in a steady stream, the mixture should be thick. Season with salt and pepper. Remove from the processor, cover and let sit for 1 hour in the refrigerator before using. Best if used within 24 hours.

Yield: 1 1/3 cups

The Cuban Buger

Ingredients

* 1 pound ground chuck
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper
* 1/2 cup best quality mayonnaise
* 3 cloves roasted garlic, pureed
* 1/4 cup Dijon mustard
* 4 hamburger buns
* 4 slices thinly sliced smoked ham
* 8 slices thinly sliced Swiss cheese
* 2 dill pickles, sliced into 1/4-inch thick slices

Directions

Form the meat into 4 (1/4-inch thick) burgers. Season the meat with salt and pepper on both sides and cook in a saute pan over high heat to medium doneness, about 2 to 3 minutes per side.

Combine the mayonnaise and roasted garlic in a small bowl and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Spread both sides of each bun with mayonnaise and mustard.

Place a slice of cheese on the bottom portion of each bun, place the burger on top of the cheese, then top the burger with a slice of ham then another slice of cheese then the pickle slices. Place the tops of the bun over the pickles and cook on a sandwich press or wrap the burgers in aluminum foil and cook in a hot skillet over high heat with a heavy skillet placed on top of the burger to press the sandwich. Cook until golden brown and cheese has melted.

I Love the Boston Beer Company

From Wikipedia: Samuel Adams is an American brand of beer. It is produced by the Boston Beer Company (NYSE: SAM) brewing company, founded in 1984 by Jim Koch, Harry M. Rubin, and Lorenzo Lamadrid in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. The beers were originally contract brewed by the Pittsburgh Brewing Company and others, though today, over 95% of its beer is brewed in its own breweries located in Boston, Cincinnati and Pennsylvania. The brand name of Samuel Adams (often abbreviated to Sam Adams, even in advertisements), was chosen in honor of Samuel Adams, an American patriot famous for his role in the American Revolution and Boston Tea Party. According to tradition, he was also a brewer. It is now the largest American-owned brewery, after Anheuser-Busch was sold to InBev in 2008.

My Top Ten Favorite Samuel Adams Beers.
10. Samuel Adams Dark
09. Samuel Adams Noble Pils
08. Samuel Adams Winter Lager
07. Samuel Adams Summer Ale
06. Samuel Adams Octoberfest
05. Samuel Adams Light
04. Samuel Adams Pale Ale
03. Samuel Adams Brown Ale (retired)
02. Samuel Adams Boston Ale
01. Samuel Adams Boston Lager

Bar Etiquette

Here are some simple rules to follow when visiting a bar.
1. To get the bartender's attention in a busy bar, don't wave your money, don't pound on the bar and don't whistle. Rest your arm on the bar, bill in hand and wait your turn.
2. If using a credit card, open a tab. Don't pay multiple times, it wastes the bartender's time and is annoying.
3. If you leave your drink to smoke or use the restroom, put a coaster or napkin on top of your glass. It lets the bartender know you'll be back.
4. If with a group, order for everybody at the same time. Also, group similar drinks together when ordering. Beers first, the mixed drinks, then specialty drinks. The bartender won't be running up and down the bar getting a beer, then a liquor bottle, then a beer again, and so on.
5. Don't order a drink just because it looks cool; you might not like it.
6. The tray fruit is not a buffet.
7. Don't grab stuff behind the bar. Don't ever grab the bartender's soda gun.
8. Use your brain.

Fantasy vs Reality

What I want for dinner: bistro tenderloin-grilled beef tenderloin on artisan bread crostini topped with garlic pepper demi with chopped spinach and roasted red peppers. What I am having for dinner: Wendy's Single Combo. =/

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